I can always tell…

…when I’ve forgotten to take my meds. I hate life just a little bit more. Little things irritate me more. Emi, an absolute blessing in my life, I think of giving her away or abandoning her. I insult myself, beat myself up more, and find myself crying after, and this is important, after hurting my own feelings. It casts an absolute shade over my day.

I hate it. But then I jerk off. I jerk off and then I feel just a little bit better.

Busting nuts for a better mindset.

Great porno company motto.

Thinking about starting a sketchbook again. I still have this dream of completing and publishing one. In my mind, this go round, I’m thinking of trying to sort of figure out a direction for the next 10 years. Interestingly enough, to me at least, is how I’m looking at this now as a stall tactic rather than something that may benefit me. On the other hand, I’ve always wanted to complete and publish a sketchbook so…

I just feel so rudderless. Or is this burnout? Dunno. Not sure I have the intelligence or self-awareness to answer that.

It’s okay though. I don’t need the answer and feeling rudderless is to be expected when the goal is to have no goals. The hope, of course, is that by then end of the year I’ll have a better idea of what’s important to me, what’s truly important, and what isn’t.

Dicks for listening!