Getting back on the wagon...

And stumbling hard.

Maybe not hard, but stumbling all the same.

I like the challenges I set forth for myself, regardless of the difficulty in seeing them through within the deadlines I've set. If nothing else, it gives me something to bitch about when life seems like maybe it's going too well.

I will say, one thing that's been eating at me today is the dream I had last night. It ties in to something I've been pondering for some time now. Amidst the random dream imagery, one scene in particular, perhaps the only one that made any sense, involved me buying, then receiving my first lapdance. Now, I've never actually received a lap dance--I've never even been to a strip club--but a part of me has always wanted to. That said, the whole experience ties into this debate I've had with myself: ace or anxious. In other words, am I asexual or is whatever sexual desire I have just hamstrung by anxiety? Is it both? How much is shame tied into all of this? Perhaps I just have a low sex drive and am unsure how to deal with it? My art work has long since held a sexual/ perverse element, my conversations/ joked tend to favor sex as well. My life, on the other hand, tends to be pretty sexless.

Whether I'm in a relationship or not....

I don't know, it's a heavy sort of thing to think about, even heavier to try and write about. Still, I think I should. Maybe I'll try to write an essay about it. Maybe a comic. Something. I'm curious what, if any, breakthroughs I may be able to have.

Dicks for listening!